Husbandisms #14

E: The thing is, Batman could really happen because he's just a normal guy with lots of gadgets and Superman couldn't happen because he has supernatural powers so it'll be interesting to see how the movie turns out.

T: I'm so glad we're having this conversation right now. It really shows you're maturing. 

It's been super dry lately and it's been worse for me since I'm nursing and my hands, feet and lips are constantly dry anyway. Ty was also complaining about how dry his feet were and said, "It's the little girl's fault. She's sucking me dry!" Sorry babe. That excuse doesn't work for you..

The morning of Ty's birthday, his phone was ringing of the hook. 

E: Who is texting you? Your phone is blowing up. 

T: It's my birthday today! People like me! 

And, my personal favorite-this text conversation: 

3 Months

She's only three months old and it feels like we've had her forever. It's hard to remember when she was so scrawny and scrunched. Here's what the girl has been up to lately:

- She's trying so hard to roll from her back to her stomach. She gets stuck on her sides. She's also trying to sit up. She hates her bouncer because she's semi-reclined and I catch her red-faced, doing v-sits trying to sit up all the time. 

- She is very stubborn and more often than not, insists on holding her head up which means she doesn't want to cuddle so much unless she just woke up.

- She can't crawl but lay her on the floor, give her five minutes and she'll wiggle herself away from where you left her. 

- She's found her voice and she'll let you know when she's not happy or if she feels like she needs some attention. We call her Squacky because when she knows you're not paying attention to her, she squacks. 

- She has these hilarious belly laughs that  are manifesting themselves more frequently. I've cried from laughing so hard a couple times. 

- Still loves the bath but is not sleeping so great these days. But her cuteness makes up for the sleep deprivation. 

"He's more myself than I...

"...Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."
-Emily Bronte

Having a baby made me realize how much I love Ty. I didn't know how much I could love Ty before now. I figured it would probably change and grow when I saw how much he loved our girl, and it did. But it really happened when he took care of me.

I was scared to give birth. I shouldn't have been. The drugs were wonderful. I should have been scared about recovery which for some reason never crossed my mind. I just never expected that it would be that bad. I have a high pain tolerance and I thought I would be immune to most pregnancy ailments. And I was. Pregnancy was a breeze.

Post-pregnancy was a slap in the face. Physically and emotionally. We got back from the hospital and I couldn't take care of myself. I had to have a stool to get in and out of bed. Ty had to help me do everything. EVERYTHING. I've never been so dependent in my life. I couldn't take care of my baby either. The one thing I was supposed to be be able to do and I couldn't do it. I've never felt so helpless and inadequate in my life. Every part of my body and soul hurt. I just wanted to sleep or cry, or both.

But Ty did everything for me. He took care of me. He loved me. He has always loved me but he let me know it in every tiny thing he did for me. He made sure I was resting enough. He made sure I was eating enough. And he let me know that I was enough.

He never once complained when he had to help change my "dressings" and even laughed that he knew how to do it better than I did. He was up in the middle of the night cheering me on as I tried to nurse (which is anything but natural) even when he had to work at 7am. I didn't change a single diaper til our daughter was over a week old. Oh how he took care of me, telling me to go sleep when I was turning into a sleep deprived mommy zombie. 

Adapting to a child was hard on both of us for different reasons but this man that I married, that I love, showed me what it was to truly deeply love someone. 

I will never know how I lucked out to be on the receiving end of such love but I'm endlessly grateful that he is mine. 

Husbandisms #13

E: Since I've been nursing my hands and feet have been so dry. I think it's sucking all the moisture out of my whole body.
T: Like in space?
E: um.. does that happen in space?
T: Haven't you ever watched The Magic School Bus?

This one happened while we were praying at night. This is what happens when you're sleep deprived.
T: *falls asleep mid-prayer*
E: *nudges Ty to wake up*
T: ... and thank you for our successful scout trip..
E: *bursts out laughing" What did you just say?
T: I don't know, what did I just say?
(We haven't been in scouts for almost a year and we have most certainly never been on a scout trip, successful or otherwise.)

Two Months

Here's a list of what our little love bug has been up to this month. We sure love you Squeaks. We're so glad you chose us to be your parents.

- Gaining weight like an aspiring sumo wrestler. This has been a struggle and now she has two chins and thunder thighs. Way to up your game! 

- She is super smiley, especially in the mornings. It's to the point where she will stop eating so she can smile at me. Just melts your heart. 

- She's a water baby. Bathing is a favorite pastime and she turns into a mermaid a la The Thirteenth Year. 

- Watches people all the time. She's so alert and just has these beautiful blue eyes that she's constantly observing with. 

-Starting to coo and laugh

- So strong. This is not surprising considering what I experienced in the womb. This girl was trying to hold her head up two days after she was born. Now she can for a short while and she also tries to sit up on her own. She's a pretty determined little soul. 

- Sleeping like a champ. We haven't been sleep training at all and the girl usually sleeps for a solid six hours on her own. Bless her little heart.

- Really showed everyone what a gem she is on her her first flight! This is not sarcasm. She smiled and stared at everyone and then slept until we got to baggage claim. 

I've decided we really lucked out and got maybe one of the happiest, sweetest little girls in the world. Our world may have been turned upside down but we'll keep it that way.   

My Babe's Birth Day

These are a handful of the many many pictures taken on the day our sweet babe was born. I was induced that day but I'm pretty sure it was bound to be her birthday anyway since I woke up at 2:45 am having real contractions. Not that I was having a good nights sleep anyway. Do you know what it's like going to bed knowing you're having a baby the next day? Impossible.

{41 Weeks a.k.a torture}

Here's a picture of the largest I ever plan on being. It's hard for me to remember what it was like although I definitely remember how difficult it was to get out of bed with a bowling ball under my shirt. 

This is the last picture of me and Ty before we were parents. We were so sleepy because we were supposed to be at the hospital at 6am and then they pushed us back to 8:30am and oh yeah, no sleep the night before. I also didn't realize how swollen I was til I started looking at these pictures. All this time, I thought it was just my hands and feet but clearly I was living in a fantasy world. 

And finally, our little gem is here. She was just as swollen as her mother upon her arrival. And so much hair. The nurses kept gawking at that full head. She looked a whole lot like our niece when she was born but she definitely has Ty's nose.

Our first family photo and my favorite one. Never had we been so close to heaven before.

My parents with their newest grand-daughter.

Penny and Craig with their newest grand-daughter.

FaceTime with Josh and Jessica to meet their niece. 

Brittany lovin on her new niece.

The little girl later in the day. Her swelling had gone down some at this point and she's got her hair did. 

Cute daddy with his girl.

Cuddles with my love. Nothing was better than cuddling with her in the hospital. 

You may have noticed a few things about this blog post like my baby's name and other details about her delivery are missing. My concern with her name and birth info is that my blog is public and their are a lot of weirdos out there. Maybe I'll change my mind but not right now. 

As for the delivery, it was faster than most inductions I've heard of. There were definitely some complications and I was pretty torn up physically. However, my baby girl was perfectly fine despite some bruising and I'm  healing just fine. I just won't be having another baby anytime soon. Maybe I'll post more about it later but I'm undecided on that as well. When I read other people's birth stories, I'm extremely curious and simultaneously grossed out at the same time thus my indecision. 

However, definitely more to come about our new leading lady. One thing's for sure, there's a new sheriff in town.  

Tutu Cute!

So my sister in law, Brittany, is amazing. 

She threw me the cutest baby shower and the theme was "Tutu Cute" and holy smokes, I've never seen more pink, more tutus or more attention to detail. Seriously, someone hire this girl as a wedding planner or something because she's got some serious skills. She also was super hush hush about it all so it was all kept pretty secret from me until the night of. Needless to say, she's pretty excited to be an aunt. 

And check me out. I got pictures of the food AND some people. I'm unstoppable. 

{Ashley, Me, Brittany, and Peyton}

{The whole lay out}

{Cute tutu chairs. From behind it looked like we were all wearing tutus.}

{Me and the diaper cake}

{Pink EVERYTHING! Sugar cookies, popcorn, rice crispies, macaroons and pretzels}

{Tutus!}

{Fancy pink drinks, a binky tree and the diaper cake}

{Some of my family. Aunt Annabelle, Krissy, Aunt Mary, Me, Brittany, Anna Kate and Chelsea}

 So many of my friends and family were able to come to this shower. {I got candid photos of everyone that was there but they are not the most photogenic pictures so I didn't post them.} Everyone was so kind and generous. This girl will not be left wanting for anything. 

Thanks to everyone who came and thanks to Brittany for making it such a special night. 

Belly Pics #9

It's the final countdown! We're getting so close to meeting our little girl. And at least one of us is getting ready for the big day. Ty is nesting as I type this. Our bathroom has never been cleaner. 

{37 Weeks-July 21}

 I think I'm getting more mentally prepared for this big change. I don't know if people ever feel ready to be parents. I'm realizing more and more that people just make this stuff up as they go and we won't be any different. We'll make mistakes. We'll figure it out. 

{This was somewhere between 37 and 38 weeks}

 Plus I'm getting more physically uncomfortable. My feet have never been bigger and Ty refers to my fingers as sausages. (I started it, he's just making sure the phrase catches on.) I waddle uncontrollably. I get winded every time I go up the stairs. Getting out of bed is practically an Olympic event and on more than one occasion, I've found myself wedged between the wall and door of a bathroom stall thanks to my protruding belly. These are all things I won't miss once the little lady has made her appearance. 

{39 Weeks-August 4}

There are a few things I will miss once she's made her grand entry. I will miss feeling her move from the inside even when it makes me sick. Especially her little feet that always find a perch on my left side. And I will miss knowing she is safe. I'll probably really miss that when she starts middle school. I will miss the closeness. There's just no words to explain what it's like.

However, one thing I've been trying to do this whole pregnancy is to appreciate my experience as it's happening. Not wish or hope for past or future experiences. And I've actually done a really good job with that. I have no regrets. I am so excited to meet this girl, but I'm very happy to enjoy the last few days of pregnancy and life with just the two of us. 

Sound the Alarm!!

I'm not having my baby yet. Sorry for the fake out.

I AM having some serious anxiety though. We have about ten days til my due date and while everyone else is getting more and more excited for my sassafras of a baby girl to arrive, I'm getting more and more panicked about her intended exit route. And the part where I have another human to worry about for the rest of my life. Tough break. Should have thought about that nine months ago.

So yeah, this is happening.

Luckily, while I pretend its not happening and continue my anti-nesting vendetta, Ty has taken on the role of most excited almost daddy in the whole wide world. He tries to coax her out on a nightly basis, "Hey baby girl, come out and play. I'm way more fun than your mom's stomach."

I am most nervous about all of the uncertainties that may or may not happen in the next two weeks. When things will happen. Will I have to be induced? Emergency C-Section. What about Ty's finals? But I know I'm getting a beautiful little girl out of the deal, plus I already have the most supportive husband who has such confidence in me and especially in our Heavenly Father.

Plus I knew he would be a great dad before I knew I wanted to marry him. When we were dating, he wanted me to meet his niece more than anyone else. And then when I did meet her, it was like I wasn't really there. I was replaced by a 10 month old. I remember feeling a little neglected and thinking, "This is just his niece. His own kids are going to be love smothered."

And now that he's mine, and I'm his and his kids are our kids, that's the only way I want them.

Love smothered.

Belly Pics #8

So we didn't do any pictures for 34 weeks because Ty was out of town so this picture from the shower is the closest we're gonna get to 34 weeks. I actually look tiny in this picture since it's not a profile shot so it's not really that accurate looking anyway. 

{34 Weeks-June 30}

Leading up to 35 weeks, my parents were in town for the 4th and we bought a midsize SUV from them in preparation for our sweet babe. I'm gonna look so fly in all of its silvery blue glory, with the sun roof open, the wind flying through my hair, and one arm behind me trying to find a binkie while keeping my eyes on the road. 

{35 Weeks- July 7. This is late at night. I actually changed out of my pajamas for this picture.}

At 36 weeks, I'm starting to completely panic on a regular basis. In (probably) less than 30 days, I'll be a mom. What?! It seems like not long ago I was hoping/wishing/praying to be pregnant and then I blinked. I eat cold cereal for all three meals more often than I eat real food. And this isn't just a pregnancy thing, it's the way I've been my whole life. Something about that feels like I shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. When my parents left town, I cried like a baby because I won't see them til after I have a baby. When I was little, I thought moms never cried. Clearly I'm on a mission to prove myself wrong. As panicked as I am, I know I'll be fine. I've got the best husband in the world and if Snookie can do it, I've probably already got a leg up on this whole motherhood biz. 

{36 Weeks- July 14}

As for the actual child inside of me, everything is going fine with her. She's getting bigger. I know this because her little feet have become painful at times and sometimes it feels like she's burrowing an escape route through my bellybutton. Who knew a 5 lb bundle of joy could be so violent? And surprise, surprise, I'm measuring small which means Baby G is small or I don't have enough amniotic fluid. Judging from family history though, it's probably the first but they'll start checking me next week to verify. The doctor told me I'm probably going to have a 6-6.5 lb baby and I'm pretty dang alright with that. I just can't imagine some 10 pounder making it's way out of me. No way. 

Baby Showers!!

I have been so lucky the last two weekends to be "showered" by some of my family and friends. Two weekends ago, my friend Ali threw me a shower. Ali and I have been friends for over 4 years now. We met in one of our math classes and terrorized every single math professor after that with our dual presence in their classrooms and our incessant questions. 

Ali had a cute "Ready to Pop" theme for my shower so everything had something to do with "popping". I got tons of pictures of the food and decorations but only thought of taking pictures of actual humans until after the shower so I only got pictures with Ali and Natalie. 

{The whole room}

{The super cute "Ready to Pop" banner}

{Poppyseed Muffins}

{Cute waters with balloon labels}

{Popsicles}

{Favors}

{The hostess with the mostess, Ali}

{Me and Natalie, another lovely Math friend.}

{Peyton and Jackson testing out my new Boppy.}

This last weekend, my mumzy threw a shower for me with all of her sisters and my cousins. I had the opposite problem at this shower and took pictures of all of the people there but didn't take any pictures of the decorations or food. Oh well. You can't win them all. 

{Me and the handsome man}

{Mom, me, and Grandma}

{Me and the Aunties. Mom, Cherie, Me, Leslie, Jamilee, Grandma, Bonnie and  Emy}

{All the girl cousins minus my sister, Jessica, and cousin, Ally. T: Miki, Lauran, Me, Brittan, Kierstan,  and Emma. B:Anna, Katie and Jillian.}

They were both fun showers and this girl and mama were spoiled. Let's just say Baby Gardner will not go naked or ever be cold for the first 9 months of her life. Thanks to everyone who came and made both of these days so special. 

Belly Pics #7

We've been up to tons in the last couple weeks. Belly pictures first, update towards the end. 

{Father's Day-32 Weeks}

I bought these scrubs for Ty for his first unofficial Father's Day.  They're supposed to be for the hospital when our babe is born but as long as he wears them around the house, I'll be happy.They came in the mail a week early and  it was one of the hardest secrets to keep in the whole world. I love surprises. I love surprising Ty. So I think they were just as fun for me as they were for him. He's been wearing them all over the place for the last week so things are looking pretty good. 

{The back of his scrubs}

{33 Weeks - June 23}

As mentioned before, my heartburn is back. I got my Whooping Cough Vaccine at my last doctor's appointment. What they didn't tell me was that it was also a tetanus shot and that those hurt for days and days after the fact. But baby looks good and to say she is active is the biggest understatement in the world. I told the doctor I felt her feet by my left hip and her head up under my ribs on the right side. The doctor felt around my stomach and said I was feeling her feet but what I thought was her head was really her little bum. And her head is down by my pelvic bones, exactly where it should be which is good. 

My friend, Emily, from our Wymount ward is a photographer and offered to do some maternity photos for me. This is just a little teaser because I don't have the cd yet but I'm so excited to see the rest of them. 

Lastly, we (me, Brittany, and Penny) threw a bridal shower for our new sister in law to be. Ashley and Jon love hiking, rock climbing i.e. anything outdoorsy so the theme for the shower was "The Great Outdoors." For some reason, I only took pictures of the food and no people so this is it. Everything we did, we tried to keep it camping related. It turned out super cute. 

We have also decided to continue staying with Ty's parents until after the baby is born. We found a perfect apartment for us but afterwards we both felt weird about it. It comes down to the fact that we are hopeful that everything will go perfectly with our babe's labor and delivery but we're very aware there's a lot that can go wrong. We are lucky to be in a position where we can save money for a little while and decided that we'll just continue doing that until we know how our little babe is doing. It feels really good to have some kind of stability since we've been in this limbo place for the last couple months. 

Anyway, that's it for now. We'll just continue freaking out since our baby could get here basically anytime between the next 4 and 8 weeks.