Kidney Stones

Kidney stones and me- we have a history.
{.. well, not exactly personally.. but we do}

Incident 1
March 1994
My dad is awakened in the middle of the night by searing pain {I don't really know, I'm just assuming. It's really just folklore at this point.} My mom calls the neighbor down the street {Cassie's mom} to come stay with us kids. I wake up to Cassie's mom at our house. She helps us get ready for school. I thought it was kinda fun. My dad had to stay in the hospital for ...? days, hours, years.. I was 5 so the details get hazy. My mom picked us up to go visit him. It was my sister's birthday and we brought her party to the hospital. By party, I mean our family. Sorry if I just killed your visions of pinatas strung up in the hospital stair wells. {I just thought of Grey's and stairwells...}We opened Jessica's presents. She got a Pound Pony. It was kinda like a Pound Puppy but it was huge and it had velcro on the stomach and when you opened it there were babies inside. Baby ponies. I was insanely jealous. That's about all I can remember.

Incident 2
January 2011
We've been married for almost a month now. We were at my In-laws house doing laundry. Ty tells me he doesn't feel well so I tell him to lay down. He lays down for a few minutes and then comes back and hugs me. I realize he's shaking and then he kind of collapses on me and tells me he doesn't feel well. I start to panic a little {a lot} We call in his dad. I start crying. Fast Forward. Hubs is slightly delirious with pain. We go to the ER where they give him two shots in the booty. He gets a CT scan, a nice drug cocktail and they send us home with strainers. {If you don't understand, go ask your mom.} For the next 48ish hour, he is either completely stoned from the pain killers, writhing in pain, or throwing up all his guts. I'm pushing liquids harder than a drug dealer low on cash. The stone passes and my husband exclaims, "It's a boy!"

Incident 3
May 2011
Last Monday: I go to the doctor for a few reasons. After a few tests the doctor tells me I have kidney stones and we'll have to do a CT. Of course, I'm a little alarmed. All I know about kidney stones is from my precious experiences: pain. hopsitals. pain. IV's. pain. Did I mention pain? And what about the part where I drink SO MUCH WATER. And I don't drink soda. So that first day, I was in a moderate amount of pain. And since then I've been just fine, minus the part where I'm drowning myself with all that water. I have had minor pain off and on and I have been woken up in the night from the pain but I have not passed the stone. It's killing me. Not physically killing me. I'm an impatient person so it's killing me that way. I have plans. I don't have time for this. I don't have time to go to the bathroom four times in one hour {true story}. Especially when I work 5 hour shifts. That's 20 bathroom breaks {that hasn't happened so not a true story}.

Also, since my pain has been so mild, I'm getting a little anxious that I'll be in the middle of something awesome {dance moves... basically just dance moves} or somewhere where screaming a string of curse words will be inappropriate {sacrament meeting, teaching Marriage & Family... basically anything involving church} and then BAM the pain will hit me like a 2 by 4 between the eyes. I'll be throwing up and doubled over and begging for relief, praying to have never been born.

So, on to the cranberry juice I guess. I've heard it's a cure-all.
Here's to wishing.

The Bachelorette = Hunger Games

So in a painful twist of fate, my sweet husband is at my beck and call tonight, doing whatever I want to do. So naturally, I chose The Bachelorette season premier. He's good to me. But then he made one of the best observations EVER. The Bachelorette is basically Hunger Games.

1.) Chris Harrison is equivalent to the Gamekeepers. Just when you think you know what's going to happen, he throws in a new rule, a new twist, a new challenge and BAM! your mind has been blown, there's a raging forest fire nipping at your heels and one more person's life was destroyed.

2.) The brain-washed audience has a bird's eye view of the whole spectacle. Everyone knew Katniss was hiding silently in the trees. But they also knew that Rue was just a tree over. The audience also knows that Bentley is a total flat-billed DB ("I'm not all that attracted to her, but I am competitive. I wanted that rose.")

3.) Friend vs. Friend - Ashley S. vs. Ashley H., Peeta vs. Katniss. Although Ashley H. sucked at being a true friend whereas Peeta and Katniss beat the system. Still, Chris Harrison/Gamekeepers, you've done it again.

4.) Alliances/Demise of Alliances - It's a kid/man/woman eat kid/man/woman world. Not to be cliche or anything but I guess all is fair in love and war.

5.) Peacocking. Apparent in both the Bachelor and Bachelorette. (I'm wearing a mask/fangs. I play guitar. I just slapped you.) And then the Hunger Games Opening and Closing ceremonies... they were on fire, literally.

I guess the irony in all of this is that I read Hunger Games AND I spend my Monday nights getting caught up in the drama of this "reality" TV show. It's a little pathetic. Okay, it's a lot pathetic. And I just analyzed this too... Pathetic.

Girls Night Out

I refuse to use the abbreviation for Girls Night Out (GNO). It sounds too much like the lady doctor, or an STD.

Amen.

Simpleton

After our Disneyland adventure, and our frugal spending, we've decided to get ourselves some e-readers. We're probably going with Kindles but of course we did some research first. It's a tough decision- Wi-fi, 3G, some of them have apps like the Ipad etc. So the following conversation ensued.

E: So Wi-Fi means I can download books at home or at school right?

T: yup

E: And 3G means I can download books anywhere?

T: yup.

E: So I don't think I need 3G

T: And I have apps on my phone so I don't need apps on my reader

E: Well what about me? I don't have apps on my phone.

T: You don't need apps. You're a simpleton.

Thank you, now that we have that clear I can go back to skipping rocks at the pond. I probably don't need an e-reader after all.

Kassandra's Wedding

I should have done this last week but there are few things I dislike more than uploading pictures. Two weekends ago, Kassandra and Sam were married in the Mesa Temple. It

was a super quick trip (down Friday night, back Sunday) but it was a WARM break from Utah. And both Kacie and Sam were absolutely glowing all day long.

Mr. and Mrs. Wood

Just look how excited they are to be married :)

They will make really tan babies.

And here are the lovely bridesmaids, just looking good.

And here's a cute pic of Alissa and a really cute pic of Natalie.

Photography by Natalie

The last of the pictures, I don't really know what to say. We were waiting for Kassandra to walk out and Natalie was like, "Emily, I think photography is really my thing. But I need a model."

Then she looked at me with this puppy dog face and I was like, "Natalie, no. I may have a rockin bod but, this is Kacie's big day. You can't just launch your career on her wedding day." But she just kept pushing and prodding so I finally caved once she promised me to go halfsies with the profits.

So I guess I'm a model now, nbd.

Grey's

So Ty and I started watching Grey's Anatomy. Something I once swore I would never do. We're so addicted, to the point that we talk about the characters on a regular basis like they are our friends. Tyler has also started quoting Meredith frequently because she has some fairly pathetic lines every once in awhile. The line Ty has been quoting all morning is when Meredith tells McDreamy he should pick her over his wife that cheated on him. She concludes her monologue with:

Pick me.

Choose me.

Love me.

That's what I've been hearing all morning. With the proper tone and inflection. I scored big when I married Ty.

On the downside, Meredith is always giving McDreamy these steely glares. It makes sense, they were in a relationship when she found out he had a wife. And it's while she's giving out one of these mean looks that Tyler says, "You know, she reminds me of you when you're mad." eh.. Thanks?

Hey you!

Yeah you. The big creep from Rochester that tried to hack my facebook account. The freak who stalks my blog like crazy. Knock it off or I'll delete it. I will.

And if perchance, the person who checks my blog from Rochester is one of my friends, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know who you are.

Friends... or lack thereof

So Tyler is constantly trying to make me make friends... Probably cuz I've blogged about how I don't have any except for the kind that are moving away from me. cough Natalie cough. Ty's softball league started up last week and he was so excited. I'm talking uniform on an hour early, begging me to leave early so he can warm up with his homies. And he was pleased to inform me that his homie's wives would be there. "You can make friends," he said.

Last week, only one of the wives were there and we hit it off nicely, chatting the whole two {yes, I just said TWO!} games and covering a plethora of topics.

This week on the way to his game Ty said, "Are you excited to see your friend?" I commented in the affirmative. Both wives were there last night and the three of us chatted through both games again. On the way home Ty asked, "Did you make another friend?"

And then he said, "Now that you're friends, next week you can plan something. Like going out to lunch or something. You should hang out. Or at least get each others numbers. What do girls do when they hang out?"

And that was the thing... I don't know what girls do. I know what I do with my sister. And I know what I did with my roommates. But rarely were those ever, "would you like to accompany me to the shopping mall next Tuesday." Well, they were never like that. They always just happened. And generally, late at night.

I asked him what boys do. He said almost instantly, "Play nintendo and play softball."

I probably can't start inviting women over until we both have kids and I can call it a play date.

On another note, Ty has played softball twice this season. Both times, he's come home wounded. Things are not looking good.